she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
