Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
