i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just want nice things and good sex
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
