I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i out mim tonsoeep
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