the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
