I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize