I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
