I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
