If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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