Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
