whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize