I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he shaved USA in his pubs
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
