he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
