I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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