i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
