i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
