even my farts smell like vagina
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I came so hard my ears popped.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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