How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
