It's Friday. Sex?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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