Did you just see the Batmobile???
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
