So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
