Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
