i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
