The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
