I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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