another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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