omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
