I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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