if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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