I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
