I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
do herpes really smell.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
