Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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