The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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