We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
