There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
