also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize