some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
