I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
