shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
