Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
