I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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