So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
