I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
