She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
