you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
