Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
