I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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