I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize