thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
