I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
