Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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