ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize