What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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