look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
