You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
