chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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