Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
