I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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