I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
