Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize