Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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