will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
