Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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