The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
