i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
