just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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