Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
