I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
