Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize