Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
