I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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