it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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