Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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