never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Let's get the cat blown out
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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