my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I looked at my own cervix.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
