i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
