So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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