please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
