new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
