Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize