im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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