Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
