Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
