and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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