the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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