he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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