I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize