The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
