in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
