Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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