Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
