she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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