He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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