I got chris browned last night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
