Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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