CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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