no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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