The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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