I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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