Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
