Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
