I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
