There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
