My friends, they love my intelligence
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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