You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
