That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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