Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
no you cant smoke seaweed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
