whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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