Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
